IN THE MOOD FOR A LITTLE HUMOUR .....AGAIN........

HMMMM EVER WONDERED Y??????

Excerpts From "A Cat's Guide To Human Beings"

1. Introduction: Why Do We Need Humans?
So you've decided to get yourself a human being. In doing so, you've joined
the millions of other cats who have acquired these strange and often
frustrating creatures. There will be any number of times, during the course
of your association with humans, when you will wonder why you have
bothered to grace them with your presence.

What's so great about humans, anyway? Why not just hang around with
other cats? Our greatest philosophers have struggled with this question for
centuries, but the answer is actually rather simple:
THEY HAVE OPPOSABLE THUMBS.

Which makes them the perfect tools for such tasks as opening doors, getting
the lids off of cat food cans, changing television stations and other activities
that we, despite our other obvious advantages, find difficult to do ourselves.
True, chimps, orangutans and lemurs also have opposable thumbs, but they
are nowhere as easy to train.

2. How And When to Get Your Human's Attention
Humans often erroneously assume that there are other, more important
activities than taking care of your immediate needs, such as conducting
business, spending time with their families or even sleeping.

Though this is dreadfully inconvenient, you can make this work to your
advantage by pestering your human at the moment it is the busiest. It is
usually so flustered that it will do whatever you want it to do, just to get you
out of its hair. Not coincidentally, human teenagers follow this same
practice.

Here are some tried and true methods of getting your human to do
what you want:

Sitting on paper: An oldie but a goodie. If a human has paper in front of
it, chances are good it's something they assume is more important than you.

They will often offer you a snack to lure you away. Establish your
supremacy over this wood pulp product at every opportunity. This practice
also works well with computer keyboards, remote controls, car keys and
small children.

Waking your human at odd hours: A cat's "golden time" is between 3:30 and
4:30 in the morning. If you paw at your human's sleeping face during this
time, you have a better than even chance that it will get up and, in an
incoherent haze, do exactly what you want.

You may actually have to scratch deep sleepers to get their attention;
remember to vary the scratch site to keep the human from getting suspicious.

3. Punishing Your Human Being
Sometimes, despite your best training efforts, your human will stubbornly
resist bending to your whim. In these extreme circumstances, you may have
to punish your human. Obvious punishments, such as scratching furniture or
eating household plants, are likely to backfire; the unsophisticated humans
are likely to misinterpret the activities and then try to discipline YOU.
Instead, we offer these subtle but nonetheless effective alternatives:

Use the cat box during an important formal dinner.
Stare impassively at your human while it is attempting a romantic interlude.
Stand over an important piece of electronic equipment and feign a hairball
attack. After your human has watched a particularly disturbing horror film,
stand by the hall closet and then slowly back away, hissing and yowling.
While your human is sleeping, lie on its face.

4. Rewarding Your Human: Should Your Gift Still Be Alive?
The cat world is divided over the etiquette of presenting humans with the
thoughtful gift of a recently disemboweled animal. Some believe that
humans prefer these gifts already dead, while others maintain that humans
enjoy a slowly expiring cricket or rodent just as much as we do, given their
jumpy and playful movements in picking the creatures up after they've been
presented.

After much consideration of the human psyche, we recommend the following:

cold blooded animals (large insects, frogs, lizzards etc... )should be
presented dead, while warm blooded ones (bird, mice n rodents, neighbour's
dog..) are better still living.

When you see the expression on your human's face, you'll kno its worth it

5. How Long Should You Keep Your Human??? (good qt)
You are only obligated to your human for one of your nine lives. the other
eight are up to you. We recommend mixing and matching, though in the end,
most humans (atleast the ones that are worth living with)are pretty much
the same. But what do you except?

They're humans, after all. Opposable thumbs will only take you so far.....

IN THE MOOD FOR A LITTLE HUMOUR

BEST HEADLINES.... EVER....

We all kno that bad news and tragedy make headlines, so once in a while
its nice to see sum humorous headlines, intentional or otherwise. Most of
these have been around since a long time.

Read on n Enjoy!!!!!!!!!


1> Something Went Wrong in the Jet Crash, Experts Say [no,really???]

2> Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers [now that's taking things
a bit far!!!]

3> Miners Refuse to Work after Death [good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos!]

4> Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant [see if that works better than
a fair trail!!]

5> War Dims Hope for Peace [I can see where it might have that
effect!!!]

6> If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile [You think??!!]

7> Typhoon Rips Through Cemetary; Hundreds Dead [Gee ... burried alive???]

8> Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures [who wld've ever thought of that!!!]

9> Austronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft [thats wat he gets for
eating those beans!!!]

10> Kids Make Nutritious Snacks [Eeeks!!! blood cannibals!!!]

11> Hospital is sued by 7 Foot Doctors [damn these doctors are tall!!!]

12> Panda Mating Fail; Vet Takes Over [wat a guy!!! dedicated to his job!!]

FROM D CRADLE TO D GRAVE........

THRU LIFE'S EACH PASSIN DAY......
NEW CHALLENGES NE HOPES I MEET....
SUM R FULLFILLED N ACHIEVED.......
SUM R STILL INCOMPLETE.......

EACH DAYZ A LEARNIN XPERIENCE.....
DAY IN N DAY OUT SUMTHIN NEW I LEARN......
AFTER ALL THE HARD WORK'S DONE......
SWEET N GREAT IS D SATISFACTION I EARN.......


N IN DIS WORLD WHERE EVERY1......
FOR PLEASURES, DESIRES , HAPPINESS THEY CRAVE......
ALL I ASK FOR IS THE STRENGTH N WILL POWER TO KEEP FIGHTIN .....
RYT FROM D CRADLE TO MA GRAVE........

MINE BUT NEVER MINE........

as i gaze into the emptiness that fills around me..

a droplet falls from my eyes...

While your memory races back to the time...

When i thought i had it everythin...

all that i had always wished for were mine..

i try to hold in what is deeply within your soul..

But the burning is so intense; that you just can't help..

can't extinguish it though..

during the night sometimes i fall asleep..

And at the same time all my pain is able to fade...

The only true feeling that i feel, is the wetness of

a drop that is left by a single tear and a little hope to live

without a heart which was mine but never mine!!!.

ARZ KIYA HAI...........

1>
Jane kyu hame ansu bahana nahi aata,
Jane kyu hal e dil batana nahi aata,
Kyu sathi bichad jaate hai humse,
Shayad hame hi saath nibhana nahi aata.


2>
janata hun aaj main kuch shayar sa dikh raha hun,
khoon ki syahi , dard ki kalam se , dil ke sare zakhm likh raha hun,
jis ne ujad diya har manzar-e-jahan mera ,
aaj usi ko phir se sanam likh raha hun


3>
Me Lafzon Se kuch bhi izhaar nahi karta,
iska matlab ye nahin ki me Usse pyar nahi karta.
Chahta hun me Usse aaj bhi par,
uski soch me apna waqt bekar nahi karta.
Tamasha na ban jaye kahi mohabbat meri,
isliye apne dard ko izhaar nahi karta.
Jo kuch mila hai ussi me khush hun me,
uske liye khuda se taquar nahi karta.
Par kuch to baat hai Uski fitrat me Zalim,
Warna
Usse chahne ki khata baar-baar nahin karta.......


4>
Umar ki raah me raste badal jate hai...
Wakt ki aandhi mai INSAN badal jate hai..
Sochte hai aapko itna yaad na kare..
Lekin aankh band karte hai irade badal jate hai......


5>
Talaash karoge to koi mil hi jayega
par tumhe humari tarah kaun chahega
tumhe koi chahat se dekhega magar
wo aankhen humari kahan se layega


6>
Every thing is fair in LOVE & WAR..
but i suggest you to do WAR but never LOVE..
because in war either you Win or Die..
but in love neither you LIVE nor you DIE..


7>
Meri zindagi ka sahara nahi hai,
Is jahan me koi hamara nahi hai....
Chhua unka daaman to woh haskar bole,
Dost ye daaman tumhara nahi hai...."


8>
Koi kaheta hai jindagi jeene ka naam hai,
Koi kaheta hai jindagi peene kaa naam hai,
Dosto ye sab najar najar ka khel hai,
Jindagi jakhmon se bare sine ka naam hai


9>

VO SAMAJTE HAI KE HUMNE UNKO BHULA RAKHA HAI.
VO NAHI JANTE KI DIL MEIN UNHE BASA RAKHA HAI.
DEKH NA LE KOI UNKO HAMARI ANKHO MEIN
ISLIYA PALKON KO JHUKA RAKHA HAI

10>
Har dil me dard chhupa hota hai..
bayan karne ka andaz juda hota hai...
kuch ashkon me dard baha dete hain...
kisi ki hansi me bhi dard chupa hota hai....!!

11>
Yakeen huaa meri zindagi mein bas khona likha hai,
Muskurahat apni nahi bas rona likha hai,
Chal di wo ek pal mein rishte tod kar,
Iss tukdon ko umr bhar ab pirona likha hai


12>
Ab intezaar ko aadat si ho gayi hai,
khamoshi ko ek muddat si ho gayi hai,
Na shikwa na shikayat karne ki zarurat,
kyunki ab is tanhai se mohabbat si ho gayi hai!

a step forward

LIFE IN MANY TERMS.....
AINT D SAME FOR ALL........
U'LL HAVE UR RISES......
WHILE I HAVE A DOWNFALL........


TIMES N TIDES HERE........
THE SAME THEY MAY NOT BE.......
THEY MAY BE PLEASANT TO U......
THEY MAY BE CRUEL TO ME........

BUT IN SUCH TIMES TOO......
AFRAID WE SHLDNT BE.....
COZ IM DER FOR U,... MA FRND......
AND UR DER FOR ME........

the prelude!!!......about me......the other side of me!!!

as things go by,
and as times fly.......
long on the distant shore.....
watchin d sun go down i lie......

and i try to find calm.....
in the solace of the night...
ponderin on all dats happened till date.....
wat went wrong and wat was right.......

but den again new hopes......
wid the mornin sun arise......
as each day brings along wid it....
life's new and unknow surprise.....